I would really urge you to sit back and think hard on what limits are absolutely necessary for you to set and what you can let go of right now. My son is now 14 mos old and he is bonded to me. I strongly recommend you to get it! Try to have a lot of skin contact with her. Many parents do just the opposite, scheduling an early afternoon nap so that baby will go to bed early, leaving more couple-time in the evening. My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. Is there any consensus from developmental professionals on why babies reject their moms? And my dad is simply crazy about her. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. Very scary! I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. When they put him on my chest right after delivery it was the most beautiful moment of my life. I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. But I feel like Im not supposed to think that. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. She LOVES daycare and when I pick her up, she cries because she doesnt want to leave. Hold your baby skin to skin, and keep your baby close. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. I am happy to report that he is now 12 months old and has really come to be much more bonded to me, though again he prefers my partner if hes offered a choice between the two of us. I have to try to remember that she is completely egocentric and has no awareness that I have feelings nevertheless I am finding myself in tears more often than not. (And by all means, get the same kind of time alone with your three year old too!). Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. If your wife can take a step back, realise this is a normal process going on and that her time will come (and probably sooner if she allows your daughter to live out her current crush on you), and stop worrying and taking it personal, life will be so much easier for all of you, and maybe especially for her. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! Im very concerned about you. I breastfed him, co-slept, whenever something would be wrong he would want to be pick up by me. it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. What can I do? Ive been home with her from the beginning. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. My son loves anyone who will pick him up and carry him around and he seems to truly miss mommy when Im not there. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. Which just doesnt help at all! While he seems to love me insofar as he smiles at me and reaches for me, he doesnt really notice if I leave to go in to another room or whatever. I dont know what to do. When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. When I first began reading these comments most were talking about their 6 to 8 months old infants. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. Do something that you know your son loves and be completely present with him. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. A few months ago my fiance lost her job and is at home 24/7. First of all STOP acting bad towards your daughter. There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: She adores me but her daddy not so much. To make them as comfortable as possible with you, have you tried recording lullabies or small stories that they can listen to when you are not around? Im in a bit of a no win situation here, I am expecting my first child with my partner, he has a daughter by a previous marriage , my job requires me to work out of the country for 4 weeks then I get 4 weeks off at home and so on. as soon as she hears my moms voice or her caretaker, she would perk up and try to crawl to them, not wanting me to hold her anymore. Consider co-sleeping, where your daughter sleeps between the two of you. Hi all, Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. Somtimes she seems to get very distressed, but at bedtime I read to her and hold her, my wife says Im the best person to get her to sleep? I had a very difficult pregnancy, my mother was not excited at all, we live with her and she would comment all the time that she didnt want anything to do with my son. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. It really hurts. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? Im a 26 yr old dad. I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. Or has anyone here experienced their toddler crying when they hear the parents voice on the phone and they are fine once they see them? Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. Then try some of these methods: 1. Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. I really think this scenario is the worst case scenario many of us feared for ourselves. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. When my husband comes home she runs to greet him. She is having a tough time, but please let her know that this really is a normal development stage. But all this can be easily changed! they will be happy, more emotionally-healthy adults because of the love we giveeven if they seem to ignore it now, they need us. (Do read the tips in the linked article for safe co-sleeping!) Can someone please advise me on what to do? If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. She is my first child and she is the most pleasant little thing ever so I dont understand why she doesnt all of the sudden not want nothing to do with me. She seems to want her father more and will only laugh at me. Stroke baby, talk to baby. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. What you need to do is to take a step back and stop taking your daughters preferences as evidence that you have done everything wrong. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. It has shown to be a very effective tool to make children both bond and co-operate instead of challenging us and our rules. Take heart, dear parents. If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. Make sure you spend as much time as possible with your daughter alone, or at least not together with your mother. I think there are several aspects to this. I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. I want my baby to love me as much as I love her, but I understand I cant force that. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. ), are hard-wired so to speak to love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect. Can a baby NOT like their mom? What can I do? Im starting to worry about the mother. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. He fights me on everything. But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. I am in the same position yet I do not work. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. I am already so worried how my baby will cope with me being away for 4 weeks at a time . His Aunt told me its just a novelty for him. lately, i feel so depressed and down, because my boys seem to prefer they nannies over me. My daughter is 15months old. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. Being just 1 month old (you can read about the milestones of a 1 month old baby here), your daughter doesnt think anyone is her mom she is just reacting to what feels the most secure. However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. Recently my sis in law has come back after her long leave.. my son of 3 years has totally changed seeing his aunt.. since she is at home now, i leave my son with her when i am at work.. She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. That's where you come to her rescue and change all that with this gift for a mom going back to work. Do so at the times your baby used to nurse. Why does she prefer her father when he can go a whole week without ever seeing her? It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. Hi sad dad, Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. She just wants me to go away from her. A stock image of a woman waving goodbye to her son and a small child. You can do it. I work full time and my one-year-old goes to daycare 3 days per week and stays at home with her dad 2 days per week. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. I do everything to. His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, I will try that and let everyone know how it goes. Help?? Try carrying your baby's photo with you at your workplace. But you say that you gave up on her. Try different positions 5. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. Up till this point she has always been a happy child, always smiling and loved everyone. My 9 month old baby seems to get attached to everyone and any one. Daddy stays home with her now and she is so attached to him. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! It really hurts me. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. our babies love us. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. Many babies go through periods when only one of the parents will do it can be either the mom or the dad. I have a 7 month old son and since he was born his grandmother(dads mom) has been obsessed. Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. !<3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, you love them soooooo much without something in return! thank you for writing tips on coping. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. I know its not fun for her and I think that is why she rather remain with her father. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. Ive made the comment to my husband on several occasions, but now that my daughter is 3 and expresses herself verbally it is really affecting me. It broke my heart. And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. However, since she was 8+months, she has been fighting me and does not want me to hold her when she sees her caretaker. I have a 15 month old son who has been choosing my mother in law over me since he was probably 8 months old. Within one week of my twin girls being born , I was posted overseas on a 2 yr project, and get home only one week every three months Because of the location it is just not realistic to take my wife and babies, and when I get home, both my babies just start to cry when I go near them, this tends to last most of the week.. Apart from leaving my job, is there any advice you can give me. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. And do things together all of you. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. its hard to be a parent but it is very important. Not all babies become this sensitive, and it does seem as if your daughter is feeling quite secure. I spent a lot of time crying and have found it hard, but I have loved my son and spent 7 months with him looking after him playing with him feeding him etc. I am depressed. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. She gets hysterical if I take her off him. I just want to cry and cry. Well, they dont know each other yet! But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. That is not to say that you dont have a real problem. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. My partner thinks I m silly and tells me not to say things like she does not want me but its true, he never worries cause she wants him all the time. It is a short time when our children really need us as badly as when they are babies and young toddlers. I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. She is hungry, keep crying and screaming her lung out and looking for my breast. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. It might be worth trying too. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. I was already reluctant to leave my son and I cried 30 minutes down the road and every night before I fell asleep missing him. Very hopeful! Warming the nipple (just run it under warm water) may help, too. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. Most likely, your son is going through a phase when he is turning out towards the world. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. I am very responsive with both. 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