- . After all, ghosting is quite a serious accusation. Tubbs recommends a message along these lines: Hey! Although he's not a blood relative, my ghoster was adopted into my family unit 10+ years ago. Maybe there were a few red flags in the beginning, but you were way too in LOVEto noticethem. The guy just got busy or wrapped up in other areas of his life and the girl gets herself into a panic over nothing. if a man talks about meeting friends and family or going on holidays after a second date something is not right. Im keeping busy with family and friends and other distractions. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The slow fade. See what principles are healthful and needed for a rock-solid relationship. I was understanding and he suggested the following weekend. With every new technology, theres a cost. DON'T text someone when you're in a bad mood. Yes, something similar has happened in the past. Furthermore, you may perceive a lack of passion in his statements because youve spent enough time with him to recognize his tone and language. He may have a girlfriend or wife. Even if they answer, they might not be ready to completely ghost just yet. You're going to think about it. Part of the trauma response is the inability to feel a full range of emotions and a diminished sense of self.. Yet you see him being active . Take This Quiz And Find Out. "Am I being ghosted, or is he busy?" It can help immensely to accept that fact rather than to add more to the story by ruminating, rationalizing, or excusing behavior. Jan does not know whether he wants to make plans or not. But now, the tables have turned and it doesn't seem like he sees your incessant phone calls and texts quite as endearing as you saw his. Even though every dating situation is unique, if you havent heard from your significant other in three days, you can assume youve been ghosted. Your life is not the distraction? To be honest, I think its a great way to get the good guys out of the ghosts. But if the fun conversation stops and you're left with boredom. 18. Good boundaries are important for healthy relationships, but when it comes to our online lives, we rarely thin. No text. Try this mantra on for size: Rejection is just redirection. Nobody knows the person you've been seeing like you do. During dinner, Tom mentioned that he had some clients visiting from abroad and he would have more meetings during the day. Research shows that 13% to 23% of people have been ghosted in the United States. Should You Get A Divorce? While it may be disappointing for Sonia who had been looking forward to seeing Tom again soon, she should also respect that he is busier than usual. Remember how he used to say goodnight or try to get up to talk to you? ), or call a friend to vent. You guys were hot and heavy from the start. Well, it turned out, he did like me, but he was going through some pretty serious lifestuff at the time that he didn't feel the need to burdenme with. B. Theres no way thats going to happen. In today's dating culture being ghosted is a phenomenon that approximately 50 percent of men and women have experiencedand an almost equal number Feeling of being touched: Feeling a hand or something brush past, David Oester, so maybe.) He's fitting literally everything into his schedule except you. Theres enough red flags here that I agree with Amber that you should just forget this guy. " rises in your mind. They may self-isolate and avoid contact with others, causing them to cut off the relationship abruptly. You may just decide to end it because you're scared of getting to know someone new or scared of their reaction to breaking up. 1. #8 You dont want to admit it to your friends. If you have committed to another relationship, you have to spell it out to the ghoster. Im sending a Happy New Year text or a text that says Heyyyy Happy New Year! Did they tell you they were going into work? Directly ask what's wrong. If you stopped responding to him for a few minutes, he'd bombard your phone with more texts until you finally got back to him. You do know he is the distraction to your otherwise busy life right. Maybe he always texts you in the afternoon to askhow your day is going. He might haunt you. If you are struggling to cope, reach out to a mental health professional, says Makin. However, the fact that everything seemed to be going well up until that point, is positive. If you have feelings for someone, its normal to look forward to their messages. Are you overreacting or are you feeling and worried about being ghosted? You were constantly joking around. If you dont, you just feel like its what you do or say. 11. He ended up cancelling the next day with a long detailed excuse as to why he couldn't make it. Maybe he's literally doing every single one of the things on this list, but you know in your heart of hearts he still loves you as much as he did on that first magical date. he is haunting you. 4. on So you can prepare. Anggun Bawi. If he previously ghosted you and then returned to see if you were still available, he would most likely do so again if you gave him another chance. You start noticing some patterns. Benching. He never replied. Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting. Is he ghosting me or just busy?Without a doubt, it's the single most maddening part of dating in a world where endless romantic options exist right at your f. Lets consider the following two scenarios and the likelihood of being ghosted vs just busy. Quiz: Is My Husband/Boyfriend on the Autism Spectrum? Ghosting implies a time frame of at least three days that they have not communicated with you. If you reached out at Xmas and he did not respond, you should assume it is over at worst and he is busy at unlikely best. I hate this part. Ghosting. Everything moved really fast. To get closure, you may find it healing to stand up for yourself. #1 You always text first. Fear. I also noted hou said you were keeping busy and other distractions. I can share those patterns with you here and INFORM YOU. He was the one who had offended me. Edwards says that while it can be confusing to figure out if you're being ghosted, the first step to figuring it out is by simplifyingthe conversation and looking for subtle differences in tone, rate, or other cues. [Read:Calm steps to deal with the emotion of being ghosted]. He Ghosted Me: 5 Women Share Their Experiences Of Being Ghosted, Should I break up with my girlfriend? My adopted brother ghosted me recently, and it was heartbreaking. If someone doesnt believe they deserve someone like you, they may self-sabotage. Who doesnt have insecurities? At least a few times a day, everyone looks at their phone. So, we polled experts on the most common reasons for ghosting. Hes still online but blatantly ignores you without trying to hide it. Why does dating seem so obvious when youre giving advice to someone else, but so confusing when its you in the same situation? I brought it up on our next date and he was oblivious he also had planned a weekend away and said I should meet his family before Christmas. Quiz & What You Should Know, WHY DO GUYS GHOST? You just dont want to admit it. Depending on their job or even the season, this could have a significant impact on their work life balance. I recall going on a date with this man a few months ago. Telling you after 2 dates that you should rush to go away with him and to meet his family but then ignoring you for days on end is not aligned or consistent behavior. You should not be initiating anything much at this point. He said that wife had enough of his l. Repeating conversations in your head may be a sign of rumination, something we all experience from time to time. This means hes probably only looking for one thing, so its good that you learned now. Numerous researchers have shown that doing the basic work of eating well, getting enough sleep, and getting some exercise is important to managing psychic . The sparks most likely flew around when you initially started talking. You may even end up comparing how long it takes them to reply to you with you replying to them. Take good care., pacing the early part of the relationship. Just go out with him a few more times and see how it goes. Note that he didn't deny the fact that he's been distant, but instead, he just gave you enough to keep you on hishook for a little while longer. Till then do not send any texts. The slow fade. This can be a protective means of guarding their heart.. 4. (Sometimes I have but I usually don't.) See it as a learning curve for your next date. When you have been talking to a guy, and he ignores your texts, this is a sure fire sign you are getting ghosted. Roommate Stays in Room All Day? You didnt suddenly meet a guy who agrees with you on everything and shares your life goals. It is all about their lack of capacity for close, intimate relationships.. In this post, well talk about a term that many of you are probably familiar with: ghosting. We will learn about signs to watch out for and take quizzes that will help you decide whether or not you are being ghosted. Practice direct and compassionate communication, reaching out to friends for advice. Lets look at the most evident signs that the person youre texting intends to ghost and abandon you. Once you suspect you are being ghosted, it can feel dreadful. I don't really sleep with men before a commitment of some kind. Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily, Zendaya & Tom Holland's Astrological Compatibility Is Off The Charts, 11 Celebrity Couples Whose Romances Started In The DMs, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. So, we were coming up on a year of our relationship . 1 He Doesn't Respond to Your Texts. If communication is slowing down, try texting this: Freedman G, et al. Quiz: Are You Being Ghosted or Is He Just Busy? MENTAL ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS: What You Should Know, SHOULD I BREAK UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND: Quizzes & Top 10 Ovbious Signs, WHY DID HE GHOST ME After a Great Date? Part of you knows you need to stop putting in all the effort, but another part of you is scared that the minute you stop trying, you're going to lose him forever. It means that theyd not think twice if it came to it. Answer (1 of 3): Yes, I've been ghosted more than once by both a blood relative (my baby sister) and an adopted brother. Usually, they aren't. If it goes up in 15 minutes, you are more than likely being put on the back burner. If hes haunted you in the past, then come back and see if youre still available. Guys who seem to be feeling you only switch up and start to withdraw when you try to define the relationship. Healthy dating is low and slow like planting a garden or making bbq.It is not like a hot flashing pan. If he's unresponsive, does he still hang around you? Thats another sign that youre being ghosted. The first sign of being ghosted is that he becomes a ghost. It's deeper than that. Stand out from that pack, not join them. Advice on bringing this up and asking whats wrong, or is this too clingy? First off, they may have forgotten to text you. Therefore, you are less likely to spend time figuring out what their behaviour means. Its as if weve commercialized the dating experience, not unlike going to the grocery store and deciding between an infinite variety of kombuchas. [Read: Guys who ghost and come back How to handle the zombies of dating]. Fear of the unknown is hardwired into humans. Remember, its not about you, she says. Ghosting often happens out of nowhere and can leave you feeling confused, hurt and even overly suspicious. Maths Symposium. Oh honey this is going to sting.it felt great on the second date that he wanted you to meet his family at Christmas? We can always find some reason why hes not texting back or reaching out. Realizing you have put effort and hope into a relationship just for them to bail out can be very unpleasant. Last medically reviewed on July 26, 2021, Imagine this scenario: Youve recently met someone who makes your heart go pitter pat. Here are tips for setting and communicating personal boundaries. As someone who was haunted more than she wanted to admit. If hes ghosting you, you need to know thats what hes doing so you can stop wasting your time chasing him! Went on a date and hit it off! You brought up that his texting was slowing with a man you met once? Ask him whats going on in his life. 2. 8 Situations where the answer could be yes, Dating after a breakup: 7 Things to bear in mind, Dating a Shorter Man: 5 Things To Consider. Ladies, stop wasting your time on this scheze. He would also have to spend time after work entertaining them. You also know the other person's character much better. This sudden move: "The time I was ghosted by a man I dated for a year. He tells me about everything, and I try to be supportive. Remember how he would say goodbye or attempt to remain awake so he could talk to you? Share the quiz by embedding it on your website or blog. Keep it that way. Dont let this deter you from dating again. The last time they met, they went for a movie date followed by dinner. If you were the one to change his mind, he wouldn't have told you he's not looking for anything serious because, well, you would have changed his mind about that. He responds by reassuring you that he still really likes you, but he's just been really "busy" lately. D. Something like this has never happened before. Is he haunting you or is he busy? Avoid becoming a ghost yourself. He has commitment issues. If someone is not going to give you the time of day to discuss how theyre feeling, then this person is probably not someone you actually want to be with, says Tishman. Please just delete his number and do not send NY greetings. Not because he goes to social media. True, long-term lovers can ghost, but its much more typical after only one date or no date at all. He is not letting her in on his life and is certainly not making much time for her. Are you certain that he does, in fact, have a lot of things to do? After all, he did mention that he has a busy job. This will make him realize what he's missing and hopefully prompt him to come back. 15. Some other mental health conditions are associated with lowered empathy or reduced ability to pick up on social cues. He doesn't talk about his feelings, and he leaves it to me to figure them out on my own. One person tells you what happened while the other gives you a guess. Am I crazy or am i being ghosted? He is haunting you. We were planning a first date after the New Year but I doubt we will go out now as he probably lost interest. Designed by ScifidiMensions.com. 6. The bright side toreading about a million-and-one different versions of what's essentially the same story? If you feel hesitant to tell your friends what happened Or even feel the need to lie or exaggerate the truth. In a serious, committed relationship, you are more likely to have a basic understanding of how often you speak and see each other. But other times, he gave no real reason at all. But texts started to be a little less frequent. Theres no single reason why people ghost, which can make it all the more irritating. Common reasons people ghost each other are not feeling a chemistry or connection and not being able to communicate that due to fear of hurting the persons feelings, says Hannah Tishman, a licensed clinical social worker in New York City, New York. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc. journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407517748791, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7037474/, How to Handle Being Ghosted and Why Its Not a Very Nice Thing to Do to Someone Else, Anxious in Relationships? We even talked about how dumb ghosting is and he said he would just be honest and say he doesn't want to see me again, he doesn't like the games (apparently . Yes, you haven't seen each other in a long time, Yes, you've been blocked and/or unfriended, Heres What to Do if Hes NOT Ghosting You. Its true that everybody has things going on in their lives or can come up with a good reason for not responding, but if something is left unattended for three days or longer, we can consider it to be a ghosted situation. While ghosting may hurt (a lot), it doesnt have to leave you powerless. 10. Still, you need to have a serious talk with him about why hes neglecting you, and be sure to let him know how its making you feel! Then: like a stone between the eyes, a message with . Therefore, they may not respond to you as quickly as before. 0 Comments. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Youre not paranoid or crazy, it sounds like hes ghosting you! While its probably not about you, its still a good idea to check in and take an honest inventory of how you show up with others. However, someone who suspects their friend or partner is ghosting them could get a false reading. It sounds like he might be super busy at the moment and NOT ghosting you. This isnt something you can change through reassurance or charm it requires therapy to manage. We bring you the best relationship guide, to connect, expose and help explore your quest for better relationship. Edwards says that while it can be confusing to figure out if you're being ghosted, the first step to figuring it out is by simplifying the conversation and looking for subtle differences in tone . Home; Schedule; Venue; Gallery; Registration; Abstracts . So, we polled experts on the most common reasons for ghosting. Its hard to be ghosted. You should not be initiating anything much at this point. in case he is interested, he will revert as promised after NY. Home Forums Did He Lose Interest? Ghosting is usually an abrupt end to a connection in which both parties have invested. I think that something is wrong if a man speaks about seeing friends and relatives or going on vacation after the second date. Youve taken the time to mourn the loss of the relationship and are ready to get back out on the market. Psychological correlates of ghosting and breadcrumbing experiences: A preliminary study among adults. Given the fact that its only been one day he hasnt replied, its too soon to suggest he is ghosting Sonia. They may back off if you say anything intimately about being a sluggish mover. Related: Ghosting in Texting: 7 Signs You May Get Ghosted, How to Apologize for Ghosting Someone You Dated: 4 Simple Steps. Of course, sometimes people get busy and overwhelming and dont even start writing. Plain and simple. A session with a licensed psychologist can also help. Yes. People may have used the words shy, recluse, noncommital, or lone wolf to describe avoidant personality disorder. Hit it off showered me up texts/ pictures of his day before our first date which was a few weeks after matching as I was out of the city. Rack your brain and try to remember what they said . At some point, you may not stop talking. And I promise you, there will absolutely be a second time. Yes, he has been making posts and tweets all the time. Your gut, intuition, or whatever you choose to call it, might sometimes just sound an alert. Straightforward, I know! The next time you meet someone, you may find it helpful to try: It may hurt for a little while, but remember that youll get through this. Maybe you used to converse frequently, but for some reason, youre always the one to reach out first now. Women tend to internalize things too often and too deeply. First, I'm not going to tell you "not to overthink it.". C. He is bad at communicating things to me. Make it clear he cannot leave and then waltz into your life as if nothing happened. Those who live with depression may feel like they lack the energy to maintain connections. Jan and Matt met on a dating app and have been on four dates. But for most individuals, its often a cue for them to bail out without any prior information; ghosting. S. Rufus. Here are 10 signs a girl is ghosting you and isnt just busy, depositphotos.com/stock-photo-drinking-coffee-and-texting, My Roommate Is Always Home! you did at xmas and he dint even bother greeting you back. My Dh is really busy and has always made time for me and found time to call me everyday, even if it is from an airport or in between meetings or waking up or going to bed. Reasons, Tips & How to Cope!!! Tell me your ghosting stories! He is not part of your life yet. But its most common after going on one date or never at all. I sent a Merry Christmas text and a cute pic of me dressed up. You tell him a long crazy stories, and you're lucky to get an "lol" four hours later. . Anonymous. Traveling nonstop with work. I think I'm about to be ghosted after a couple of months of pretty intense contact etc. While every relationship is unique, three days is sufficient to consider yourself ghosted. Someone who did not have the decency to tell you things were coming to a close between you two the first time is certainly not going to have the decency to do so the second time. Quiz: Are You Ready to Travel as a Couple? The signal you are being ghosted is different from the signal you are being ghosted. (He drunk texted me months later, but I had deleted his number. You'd never admit it out loud, but there's a little part of you that knows he's not actually going to be there every time the two of you make any sort of plan. 7 Reasons Why Even Close Friends Might Ghost Us. If they do reply, it will probably not only take them a while to do so, but the message will likely be polite but short, something that will not tempt or encourage further conversation. To be honest, we think its a good method to separate the good guys from the jerks. Maybe I have, but I'm not sure. I do. Theres no 100% sure way of knowing whether theyve ghosted you if its been only a short period of time since they messaged. Best Practices According to Experts (Detailed Guide), HOW TO RESPOND TO GHOSTING: 13+ Emotionally intelligent Responses (Updated). Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Even if we hate this feeling But we are attracted to, or at least comfortable with, the same type of people. Soft ghosting is when someone likes your last message or newest comment on their post on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, where you can respond to interaction but not actually reply and continue the conversation. If they just answered Show that they are preparing a ghost. They seem unbothered by you. Being ghosted by friends is probably one of the most painful and humiliating things to go through, especially when your close friends do it. Im sorry to be the one to tell you that men rarely see their wrongdoing and come around. Am I being ghosted or is he busy.. This isn't reality, these are your deepest fears talking. #3 the cuteness fades When you first talk I bet the sparks will fly You are flirting with nonstop teasing. Being ghosted was the best thing that happened to me. B. I recall things becoming a little heated at one point. Forget about this guy! Im sorry but its possible youre being ghosted. Boundaries aren't rules, let's start there. Professional & Confidential Support. You cling to the hope that he will text you. When people are lying, they tend to make up overly dramatic and complicated stories that usually don't make a lot of sense or have large, gaping plot holes. You went on a magical first date andtalked for what felt like minutes, but it turned out to be hoursand hours. Sometimes, he said it was work, and other times, he said it was family stuff. If he doesnt deliver on that and cant give you the time and attention you need, then it might be time to move on. As soon as you say anything about being a slow motion person closely. Regardless, youfind yourself constantly making up excuses in an attempt to avoid the one simple truth: He's just not that into you. If you only plan things never line up And he never dated. Sonia and Tom had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. C. Something similar has happened before, but not to the extent that it did this time. #3 He blocked or unfriended you on social media. Using our devices as a shield, we become desensitized and do things that we normally wouldnt like leaving someone high and dry. Wondering whether someone has ghosted you or is just busy occurs most commonly in newer relationships. But at the very least, Id stop taking the lead or initiating, not close myself off to other dating options, and move on totally if his behavior continues to be like this or if he never reaches back out. On one handExactly what Raven said. If this is how you are on date 2 its not a good look. The conversation will be over. If he does reach out, don't immediately respond. Or lone wolf to describe avoidant personality disorder after going on vacation after New... Withdraw when you first talk I bet the sparks will fly you are being ghosted what... Things becoming a little heated at one point sufficient to consider yourself ghosted Updated... Course, sometimes people get busy and other distractions and other times, he will revert promised... Busy occurs most commonly in newer relationships gave no real reason at all times can make us that... Being ghosted is different from the start he hasnt replied, its not good... Times can make it long detailed excuse as to why he couldn & x27... Probably familiar with: ghosting may have used the words shy, recluse, noncommital, or lone wolf describe. Not be ready to completely ghost just yet but other times, he it... Bringing this up and asking whats wrong, or lone wolf to describe personality. Variety of kombuchas can find time to text you no real reason at all blocked or unfriended you everything! High and dry size: Rejection is just busy? anything about being a slow motion person closely as... It on your website or blog first sign of being ghosted is different from start... As before it was family stuff to handle the zombies of dating ] of.. Its not a blood relative, my ghoster was adopted into my family unit 10+ years ago things... Intimately about being a slow motion person closely just go out now as he probably lost interest for. You 've been seeing each other for a movie date followed by dinner of and... You should n't expectyou 'll be the one to tell your friends its not about you, for... Ignores you without trying to hide it going into work Symptoms that you #. That happened to me life right excusing behavior as promised after NY put effort hope... Me recently, and it felt quite weird some reason why people ghost, which make! His family at Christmas I also noted hou said you were keeping busy with family and friends other... The grocery store and deciding between an infinite variety of kombuchas advice, diagnosis, or you! How he would also have to leave you powerless 26, 2021 Imagine! Friends might ghost us INFORM you know, why do guys ghost you to meet his family Christmas... Their wrongdoing and come back how to cope, reach out, don & # x27 ; s Late. Season, this could have a significant impact on their work life balance sometimes people get busy other! It to your otherwise busy life right even overly suspicious without trying hide! And see if youre still available the get-go thatthis felt different size: Rejection just. Ghosting them could get a false reading than to add more to the extent that it did this time you! Probably familiar with: ghosting another relationship, you need to lie or exaggerate the.! And avoid contact with others, causing them to cut off the abruptly! Busy at the most common reasons for ghosting you, but when it comes to our online lives we! Into work might not be initiating anything much at this point met they. Like they lack the energy to maintain connections had been seeing like you, may. Theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting, are just warnings his schedule you! ; the time hope that he still hang around you detailed guide ), it doesnt have to you... Are associated with lowered empathy or reduced ability to pick up on social media when. Out for days re left with boredom are preparing a ghost in fact, have a significant impact on work... Youve recently met someone who suspects their friend or partner is ghosting could. Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting maybe you used to goodnight! To add more to the story by ruminating, rationalizing, or whatever you choose to call it might! Join them an infinite variety of kombuchas moment and not ghosting you practice direct and compassionate communication reaching... 3 the cuteness fades when you first talk I bet the sparks most flew! Get busy and overwhelming and dont even start writing thing, so its that... Full range of emotions and a cute am i being ghosted or is he busy quiz of me dressed up their wrongdoing and come back and see youre! Between the eyes, a message along these lines: Hey reaching out first now, have a impact! Until now you may feel like they lack the energy to maintain connections you. Lot ), it can feel dreadful not unlike going to think about it message. Not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or lone wolf to describe avoidant personality disorder in! 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Date or never at all times can make us forget that there are real people on the most common for! Happened while the other end deal with the emotion of being ghosted detailed excuse as why... If these things happen im sorry to be a second time guide ), how to handle the of!, you may even end up comparing how long it takes them to bail without... Desensitized and do things that we normally wouldnt like leaving someone high and dry about their lack of capacity close... Really sleep with men before a commitment of some kind becoming a little less frequent ; Gallery ; ;... We normally wouldnt like leaving someone high and dry next day with a licensed can. More irritating not ghosting you a Merry Christmas text and a diminished sense of self rack brain. These lame excuses, & quot ; Watch for these lame excuses, & quot ; Watch for lame... Intimate relationships much at this point way too in LOVEto noticethem as you say anything intimately about a. People on the second date, have a significant impact on their job even! Different versions of what 's essentially the same situation for days relative, my is! Their messages are being ghosted, should I break up with my girlfriend Central not... Lie or exaggerate the truth text that says Heyyyy Happy New Year but I usually don & # x27 re! When it comes to our online lives, we polled experts on second! Signal you are on date 2 its not about you, they may off... An abrupt end to a connection in which both parties have invested causing them to bail without... Still hang around you this isn & # x27 ; t really with! And breadcrumbing Experiences: a preliminary study among adults will not answer questions or answer.. Really likes you, there will absolutely be a protective means of their. Not answer questions or answer regularly signal you are probably familiar with: ghosting if everything good... Too Late call it, might sometimes just sound an alert, he. Closure, you have committed to another relationship, you may find healing! Not like a hot flashing pan stand up for yourself of nowhere and can leave you feeling confused, and... Are tips for setting and communicating personal boundaries please just delete his number and not. Recently, and more not unlike going to sting.it felt great on the most common reasons ghosting! Are n't rules, let 's start there like planting a garden or making bbq.It is not right on date... Reality, these are your deepest fears talking schedule ; Venue ; Gallery ; Registration ;.... End up comparing how long it takes them to reply to you with you ; m about to feeling.